...write these words back down...

8:25am: i've just seen a face...

8:46am: matt damon
i am a valentines day baby...stay with me here...valentines day is february 19th...almost exactly nine months from there is december 19th (my birthday)...coincidence...i think not...

9:48pm: sorry danny...i suppose i am a hypocrite...
"...oh that i could scream and the world would stop and listen...and these scars would speak in volumes...
...but who has ears to hear...or eyes to see...
...again i scream...
....but my voice is buried in...
...unearthly silence...
...like in nightmares when ghosts"...oh how they steal my breathe...oh how they try my soul...cry and let go...but they never cease....they never undue..."i pray that the power be not in my words...
...but in the truth that supercedes the
...minds of men..and our dead hope"...our dead love...our tried eyes...our conceived fame...falter and fade...
...descend and decline...divide into pieces...
...like broken glass...
"...our blind faith in means that look to justify their end..."
...again i scream...
"...i feel a prescence in the room..."
...again i scream...
"...i feel cold fingers around my neck..."
...oh, again i scream...oh, Saviour...
...oh...Lover...save me, save me....
"...without you i am lost..."
...without you i am nothing...without you i am incomplete...wholeness and all i am is feeling...
"let mine eyes not fail whilest looking upwards..."
...whilest they heavenly bleed...

"...but i once had a girl...or should i say...she once had me"...she held my world at the end of a string...and swung it around...so smoothly undone and so hopelessly true...greatness and please...swung it to hard...i was too soft...swung it so fast and let me unleave...
...i held her words and couldn't let go...
...i closed my eyes and she became yesterday...
...like butterfly to worm...beautiful and still...

...but times..."i'm so lonely...wanna die...so lonely...wanna die...
...if i ain't dead already"...
"...kill me quickly..."

but times...i live like lies...flies...and dandelions...in a field of perfect blues and perfect whites...and perfect suns and perfect lights...
"...i need You like a dragon fly need's his wings..."

..and the words he speaks...weigh heavily on me...
"...i never knew you..."
but
"...boy...you're gonna carry that weight..."

4:09pm: hot in the city
i had a dream the other day...where everything was exactly as it should be...gas was at ninety-nine cents a gallon...the average temperature throughout the day was seventy degrees and overcast...arizona actually obeying the laws of the seasons...people could actually think for themselves...and people weren't jerks...

then i woke up...

6:50pm: let me take you to strawberry fields
you know...there is a point to where you can only care so much...past that is pain and anger and bitterness and regret...once you stopped caring...it feels great...

8:40pm: viva la resistance
so theres this stunningly beautiful and nice girl that comes into my work a couple days out of the week or so...she has bruenette hair cut to her neck...perfect eyes...perfect smile...her name is amy...all my friends tell me to ask her out...and i go through the routine of 'oh, shes out of my league...or oh she would never give me the time of day....blah blah blah...my life could be a movie kind of stuff...so anywas...im working up the will and strenght and courage to talk to her...at least to only tell her she is very very beautiful person...a number would be nice...but for right now...we are going to worry about breaking the mold...this isn't going to be a five and diner waitress repeat all over again...im going to try my hardest...i swear...

i can't wait to get the hell out of here...

7:29pm: anything
i have a fever and the only cure is more cowbell...

6:58pm: around and around and around we go...were we stop...i dont know...
and there's these pretty little girls
dressed in their pretty little smiles
with their pretty curves and curles
and they kiss with pretty rhymes
or rhetoric if you'd prefer
and one by one they took me
pretty hand to pretty hand
and we danced in pretty circles
in pretty hair, in pretty halls
or lover's hell if you'd prefer

I like when things just "oooze" out of you...it comes straight from the heart...like that jewelry company...i feel better all ready...

8:03pm: if her looks could kill
so from what i've gathered and noticed...this journal has been lacking in both style...written and decorative...and usage in recent times...much like with myself and women, i have no such luck with computer/internet codes and designs...so if someone could help me in that the department, it would be swell...

the work life is treating me well...one of the reasons i think i like it so much is because of all the fun people i work with...but almost all of them are leaving...i prefer to look at the good side of this...the optimistic side...(which i am trying to do more often)...it will bring closer to climbing the perverbial capitalistic ladder...which means more mony, mony, mony...

the relationship life...is non-exsistant...

the spiritual life...is continually and steadily growing...

tomorrow is the anberlin/noise ratchet/beautiful mistake show...i hope to have a grand evening...

7:27pm: i think that i am being boycotted...

7:18pm: a little bird told me
There was this largish man walking down the street and he comes across an elderly man in tears sitting on a bench on the sidewalk...He stops and asks the old gentleman why he was crying...He responds in a half whimper, half confused tone, saying, " I'm 82 years old...I am married to a 24 year old model...We make love to each other six times out of the week, as long as the blue pills are working"...The largish man is dumbfounded and asks, "Well then why are you crying..."Because I can't find me way back home"...

11:33am: and i've been workin'
I now know the true definition of a hard day's night...

11:18am: i can tell that you and i are gonna be friends...
I love Scotch...Scotch, scotch, scotch...Down my throat...

11:49am: back and forth
i'm home, i'm home, i'm home...please take me far and further gone..

10:53am: we will see the highest highs and lowest lows
Do you ever feel like you are living life just to pass the time...And you are waiting for the high points and thrills, and you are praying you never see the lows...

Well all you kids, be good while I'm gone...It's off to California for me...

3:57pm: if you find yourself here
Camp meeting was semi-fun, mostly boring, but I needed it...

3:29pm: I never told you what I do for a living
Sunday was the Copeland/Emery/The Evan Anthem show...All the bands played fantasmal...I couldn't believe who I saw there...Ashley and Angie Yoder...Brought back some memories...The Copeland singer looked into my eyes during "Brightest"...It was a kodak momement...I stole the letters that spelt "Copeland" from the marquee at the mason jar...That makes two laws I broke...

Today I had lunch with Dani...I am living a fake life...

I went to the Barnes and Noble...I am such a book whore...

My classes were secured this afternoon...Made me realize how fast this summer went by and how fast time goes by...And when i was young...And how I wanted to be so old...I don't want to be so old anymore...

7:13pm: I am paper mache
I am really whole(hole) inside...

10:17am: The colour of cowboy cliches
I don't care what anyone has to say...I love John Mayer and he is one of the greatest guitar players of my time...For those that didn't know, he had a concert the other night...It was so great...Doesn't do any good to my dreams though...

12:00pm: this is love at it's finest
architecture at its finest

i tried to speak a bridge
to ease the river's leave
the roads divide between
the wash that quiets me
and the lives you strive to lead
you try so small to be

this is hope at it's finest

you never told me how it was
how it is to rest and drink
at tables set for two
with no company to keep

i tied a ribbon to your hair
the threads that held the hills
that kept the mountain stills
and locked in arm and arm
like winter coats to skin
you dressed your lips in me

this is hope at it's finest

you never told me how it was
how it is to rest and drink
at tables set for two
at tables set for me
at tables set for you
with exquisite silverware
but you never let me in
you never

12:54am: I Should Have Killed You From the Start
It looks as if I turned on the drl charm a little too much tonight...Saw Dodgeball tonight...It was hilarity..."Thank you, Chuck Norris"...followed by the "F*** you, Chuck Norris"...I love it...

On another note...I am selling my Crate half-stack for the low, low price of 250 dollars...I'm slashing prices like the Walmart Zorro Dude Smiley Face thing...Yeah...The end...

4:21pm: Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me
I'm back to this hell hole...Aren't we all so happy...Three cheers...

9:55am: And we all float on...
So I have seen the movie The Notebook now two times...The second time was partly not by choice...Come to think of it...Neither of the occasions when I saw it where they by choice...Now, thats not saying I regret...I'm not afraid to admit that I enjoyed it...I am a very sensitive guy...It was a good movie...It was a happy/sad movie...

School is almost through...I have this week and then I am done...Thank God...If you ever have the opportunity to partake of the Summer classes...Please decline...

I've also learned that running through fields with no shoes on at night makes your feet bleed...Crazy, I know, but it is true...I am living and bleeding proof...Who knew there were such sharp objects in fields...I didn't apparently...

10:03am: Can we kill each other quickly?
I am effing sick and it I don't like it one bit...Its the summer...Who gets sick during the summer...Its like a rule or something, isn't it...My throat feels like someone shoved a sword of biblical proportions down my throat and jerked it up and down...The pain woke me up at 3 in the morning it was so bad...Stupid diseases...I hate you...

1:47pm: I guess its better than silence...
Went and saw that movie 'saved!' last night...I thought maybe it would parallel my highschool days being how I went to a private school...Wait a minute...Why do I want to relive it...Anyways, it had its moments, but I give it my seal of craptacular on it...But eh, you get what you pay for which was nothing...Went to P.F. Changs afterwards...It was my virgin experience...I was pleasantly surprised...Although rather pricey but my friend payed for all our dinner so I was happy...Free food is that much better...

So do ever feel like you don't know what you are doing anymore and feel like just giving up...